Week 12 – Letters to a Lost Lover – Dowsing for Love


“I remembered hearing that you can tell the sex of an unborn baby by tying the mother’s wedding ring on a hair…”

Dear Mark,

I’m in a quiet space right now, not too sure what to think or feel. It’s a bright summer’s evening and, from my window, I can see a few couples sitting out on the grass, soaking up each-other’s company and the remains of what has been a beautiful sunny day. I’m finding it hard to watch them, yet I can’t drag my eyes away. Even as I write this, I keep looking up to catch those little gestures of intimacy which lovers share – the hand on a leg or touching a cheek, the easy resting of a head on a shoulder. I’m torturing myself deliberately but still keep looking. I can feel resentment rising inside me. Why should they have love in their lives when I don’t? Why can’t we be out there too, the warmth of the sun and our love keeping troubles at bay? I’m missing you again.

Or maybe it’s not you that I’m missing so much as being loved and having my love received in return. I don’t know what you’ve done with the love you felt for me. Did it just vanish or did you replace me with another? I can’t just switch mine off, and sometimes the sight of others in love just reminds me so forcibly of what I’m missing. Will I ever find another? Is it too late for me? Or could I ever, having shared what we shared, find someone who shares this depth?

All the same, life seems to be moving along regardless, dragging me along with it despite my attempts to cling to you. Where it’s bringing me, heaven knows. It’s like a river which just naturally continues to hurtle downhill and I’m being swept along by its momentum.

Last weekend I did that energy healing workshop with Cian – the one I’d been looking forward to – and it really was eye-opening! I seem to be saying that a lot recently, don’t I? Oh, but before I tell you about that, let me tell you about my pendulum adventures…

First off, you have to promise not to laugh. Okay? At least, don’t laugh at my experiences. Feel free to laugh at me, though, if you have to. I try to as much as possible – it stops self-pity taking hold.

Well, I can’t remember how the notion got into my head to start with. It just seemed to arrive from nowhere – a memory of an old wives’ tale that I may have heard years ago and then forgotten. I was sitting at my desk a few weeks back, working on some project which was struggling to hold my attention when I remembered hearing that you can tell the sex of an unborn baby by tying the mother’s wedding ring on a hair and using it to dowse with. The temptation to give it a try was too great so I Googled a few options and eventually found directions that seemed simple enough to try. Then I took off the ring I was wearing (not a wedding ring, I should add, nor am I pregnant!), tied it to one of my hairs and proceeded to see if I could get even a simple yes/no response from it. And it worked! I managed to get it spinning clockwise for yes and anti-clockwise for no without moving my hand or arm.

Since then, I’ve been spending hours playing with it. I hate to admit that the only I reason I was interested in trying it in the first place was because I’ve been desperate to know if you still love me and if there’s a chance of us getting back together. How sad is that? Some people turn to clairvoyants – I tie a ring on a hair and try to get it to talk to me! I can’t say I’ve been getting clear answers, though. Every time I ask (and I’ve been asking several times a day in my true obsessive way), the response is different, whatever that means. ‘He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me…’- like the game we play as kids, pulling the petals of a daisy. It’s definitely responding to something but maybe not to the question I’m asking, unless the answer really is changing on a daily basis!

I’ve also been experimenting with it in other ways too, holding it over various different objects to see what might happen – fruit, photos, jewellery. It spins really strongly over certain things, whizzing out into a wide circle almost like a helicopter’s blades. When I held it over the photo of you and I, it spun so strongly it nearly pulled out of the light hold I had on the thread (I switched from a hair to a thread to see if it would make any difference, and it didn’t). And it spins in a nice solid clockwise circle over an apple but doesn’t really do much over a bar of chocolate. It might be picking up on the energy of whatever’s being dowsed? I wish I knew what it means but I guess I just have to be satisfied with it being just an experiment for now. One more weird step in a life which has been getting even more peculiar each week.

Maybe one day it’ll all make sense of some kind, but right now I’m happy to just take one step at a time, grateful that I’m finding magic in the world again.



(The Blog Novel of the Letters unfolds here weekly during the autumn and winter.  If you’d like to be alerted as they are published, please just ‘follow’ my blog)


  1. if you ever come to India and want an adventure in far north remote India near the Tibetian and Pakistan border, you are invited as my guest. I retired here against the foot of the Himilayan mountain range. We could go for an extended bike ride or a hike in the mountains. Either way you will experience and see things westerners would never see in their lifetime unless they came to India. My experience is people ultimately come here because they are on a spiritual quest. Allow at least 21 days.

    I like your writing , you appear to have a soft heart, a good heart, a warm smile and at my age its your eyes and you are obviously a romantic. Who knows. Gordon

    • Thank you, Gordon. It’s a beautiful part of the world – and I used an image I took on my travels there a few years ago for the cover of one of my books (New Wings). I’ll keep your details for my next trip! Much love, Freya.

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