Letters to a Lost Lover ~ A Blog Novel

One Woman’s Journey from Heartbreak to Spiritual Awakening


(Read the first installment here, and the last one here)

Dear friend,

Where to begin? I could start where I lay, curled up on the kitchen floor that night, a knife in my gut, my world blown apart.

Or I could start here, from a place of having proposed marriage to the father of my daughters? Two bookends to a story you know the beginning of, but not the sequel. If you are out there somewhere, reading this, you are without doubt curious about what came next – perhaps also nervous about what you may read. And rightly so, in some ways. You haunted me for years, and scarred me deeply, though no-one is at fault. If you play with fire you have to be prepared to get burnt. And yes, I’ve always liked an adventure. And yes, I’m now older, wiser, and proudly bearing the scars that are evidence of having jumped with both feet into the center of a beautiful, but dangerously blazing, fire.

But these letters are not only a way of saying what I would say to you if you were here, now, after all those years.  They are also a way of framing what happened to me after our brief, renewed relationship.  They are a way of trying to make sense of some of the extraordinary experiences for which I had no frame of reference at the time.  Perhaps most of all, they are my way of saying what needs to be said.  In the absence of a personal audience the world is taking your place.  Isn’t that what I really always wanted anyway – to find a way of opening myself up to the world rather than restricting my love to just a select few?  My lovers have always made themselves scarce at times, unavailable to my love – as all lovers do from time to time no doubt – but you were the extreme, disappearing completely on me.  And through them all, I have been gradually learning to spread my love broadly enough that it can encompass the world…


Over a decade ago, two lovers rekindled a passion which had been born years earlier when they had, as young teenagers, shared a deep experience of first love during a summer holiday. With distance and youth as their enemy, their initial romance had eventually faded out.  As adults, though, age and technology were on their side, even if distance still remained a challenge. 

What follows is the story of what unfolded for one of them  following their renewed acquaintance. It is the story of one woman’s journey from heartbreak to spiritual awakening.  This intriguing tale of a woman’s journey inwards in search of greater understanding and healing will unfold over the autumn and winter months. Through the letters she writes to her absent lover, we follow her as she deals with fundamental challenges to the beliefs on which her life has been based, and discovers a deeper world she had scarcely believed in.

Follow the story, which started in September 2013 with the first letter and concluded in August 2014 with the last letter.  The more complete version of the story, with notes and reflections, will be available in print at a later date when the right publishing arrangement is found.


11 thoughts on “Letters to a Lost Lover ~ A Blog Novel”

  1. Oh my gosh – this is my story u have begun. a teenage first love – never forgotten – and then found again and its all like it was in the old days again and then only to realize he’s changed and seems suddenly no longer interested – or is he afraid?……..

    1. It can be deeply scary to rediscover that depth of emotion – especially if life seems to be heading in a different direction. But it can also be a wonderful reminder of how alive we can feel. Thanks, Suzette!

  2. It works both ways. It is exactly my story, too. A teenage romance. In oiur case, not physically realized, but there in every psychological, karmic undertone. Carried thru decades. Rekindled after 45 yrs, as soulmates, or whatever term you prefer Each other’s one true love. Sharing the same energy, knowing and feeling the other when apart. Married to others, but only in name. Together a few times, neverending love, tantric-like in expression and heat. Swearing to find a way to be together. And then it abruptly ends after 9 mo when she leaves w/o explanation. So here I am. Six mo later. Lost. Not knowing. Not caring about much of anything. Can you cover this w/o regard to sex? If not, I understand.

    1. Thank you for leaving that heart-felt post. A deeper understanding of sexuality is often part of this journey but that doesn’t mean the journey is just about sex – it isn’t, as you understand. It’s about the totality, emotions, physical, mental and spiritual. It’s this total journey I’ll be exploring through the Letters – but only the experience of one person rather than both.

      1. Just for clarity, by “sex,” I was not referring to a physical act, but rather to being able to see this occurrence from both a male and female perspective. I’m a guy. In my case, my one true love, and we both agree to that, is the one who found me, rekindled our love, talked of marriage and neverending togetherness, and disappeared a yr later. So I’m just saying this happens and works both ways. By asking if you can explore this “w/o regard to sex,” I’m asking if you can write about it so that it is applicable to the one who leaves and the one left, regardless of which is male/female. In any event, I look forward to your letters.

    2. Ah, gender! I understand now. Thank you for that clarification. As a female writer, there will naturally always be that lens through which I filter experience and perspective. But I hope the Letters will be as valid for both men and women. Yes, the experience is not gender-specific and there are as many men looking for understanding and a way of coming to terms with these deep connections as there are women. Many thanks, again, Allen.

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